the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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