Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
