bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
