Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize