and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
