she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
