I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
