she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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