That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
