Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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