I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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