i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize