My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
false alarm, still single
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
