woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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