and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
