How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Alive.
So much puke
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
