The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
