"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
its liver damage thursday
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
