I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
