Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
