What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
