Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice