There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.