i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.