Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
