I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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