East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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