There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
