ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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