It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
