I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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