No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
