but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
