rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
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dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
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He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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