Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
