I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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