i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
