i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
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just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
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im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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