I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
