it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
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I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
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Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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