I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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