I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
