dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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