The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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