omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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