Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Boobs are out for the taking
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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