My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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