Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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