He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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