Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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