I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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