I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
