so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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