if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
