Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
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