You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
can u get pink eye on your cock?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
