So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
