At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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