Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
