he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
